So, coming to live in the South, I have discovered something about age and what women are called. Today, in the elevator, I got called Ma’am. Twice.
This is often an upsetting word for women. It means you are significantly older than the person addressing you – or at least they think so, which is usually what is upsetting.
What is the word, then, for a woman of equivalent age (or younger)? Well, it’s Miss. That is not much better, really. It can make a woman feel like a waitress or cigarette girl (because, seriously, who says ‘Miss, miss’ anymore unless they’re yelling at a batter in a baseball game?). Is that as good or bad as it gets?
Not really, it gets worse. There is the ever present ‘sweetheart.’ This, to me is what a man calls you when you remind him of his secretary or mistress. The flip side? ‘Darlin” – almost always without the g. That is when you remind the man of his daughter. Better, but still perjorative.
Just call me by my name. Or maybe I am okay with Ma’am. Although it does make me, again as they say in the South, ‘a woman of a certain age.’ I can live with that.

Like the addition of turducken to other (lesser in our opinion) dictionaries, the holiday of Easter prompts the addition of some new words to the Oxfriend English Dictionary.
It is almost Easter in central Florida. How would you know (if you didn’t have a calendar or tv or…well, you get the idea!)? If you drove north on any of the freeways, it would be clear. All of the people who come to ‘winter’ in Florida are going north before the heat sets in. Many of them are from Canada or the midwest. Most are ‘of a certain age.’ All are slow.
And they all drive an amalgamation of vehicles, which need new, appropriately descriptive names…a trucampart for one – that is a truck towing a camper which is either also towing a golf cart OR (more in keeping with the stuffing theme of the turducken) where the golf cart is contained within the bed of the truck. There is the rarer, and harder to pronounce, rvuckart – an RV towing a truck with the golf cart in the bed. Depending on the type of RV and whether the golf cart is replaced with a smart car this may be known by the variant form of winnesmacaruck.

Be on the lookout, and be sure to pass on the left.

So, I was pondering exactly why it was April Fools’ Day. Whether it was a day for fools, or a day for fooling people or just what exactly it was. So, I put the phrase into Google and checked out a few sites. None of them gave me what I was really looking for. But one did give me something to write about.
Apparently teachers think that this very topic would be good for a class to learn about – pranks, history, that kind of thing. So, there is a whole lesson plan about it on a site that “contains materials for teachers.” Some excerpts – the first sentence calls it April Fools’ Day. Arguably, that is correct. It is a plural possessive, it should have an apostrophe at the end. Which makes it somewhat more confusing when the third sentence refers to April Fool’s Day. Maybe between the two sentences, they killed all the fools but one? Adding to the apostrophe catastrophe is this phrase – those people who still celebrated the day on the first of April were know as April Fools’. Leaving aside the obvious typo and assuming that they were known as something, they were known as April Fools’ what?
Finally, capping off the amazing educational resource is this – “This is considered to be a prank because there is no such thing as a cuckoo.” Actually, there is such a thing as a cuckoo. There may be no such thing as a cuckoo nest (they put their eggs in other birds’ nests) but there definitely are cuckoos.
I can only hope the whole post was an elaborate April Fools’ Day joke that other teachers will get. *fingers crossed*

The rule about one space after sentences. Why must things change? MLA says my way is still okay.

Orientate, commentator. These are words that do not need to exist. You orient yourself. You can attend an orientation, but you do not, I repeat NOT, orientate. Likewise, I do not need commentators. Why are they not simply commenters? They comment on things. They even may deliver commentaries (although why they simply don’t give their comments is also a point of contention). But they do not need an extra syllable.

Spam comments on Wordposts. Although today I got one on the last post that simply said “your good.” That was so ironic I almost let it through, but was concerned about whether I would then get a lot more spam. So, I had to let it go.

Oh, and when all of the teams I root for in college basketball lose. I hate that.

Even the First Lady of the United States wants her opportunity to contribute to the Oxfriend English Dictionary. Today on the ‘Today Show’ (oooh, now I totally get that name) the First Lady was talking about a complete turn around in something – a “wholescale change” she said.

But actually, no. There are wholesale changes (and wholesale clubs – meaning large quantities in the latter case and extensively in the former) and there are full scale changes (meaning not limited, not partial) – but wholescale… why, that does not exist. I can think of some meanings. The entire scale would change, all of the weights, all of the notes, all of the small coverings on a snake. All perfectly good uses in the O.E.D.

As in: ‘Why, that snake shed its skin and has made a wholescale change.’ Yes, yes, I like it.

Today is National Handwriting Day! Which is kind of ironic when I am writing about it on a word processor with very little personality available.

But, enough of that. Why do I mention it? Well, the obvious reason – words, handwriting, how handwriting can affect the interpretation of words and that sometimes bad handwriting can be a disaster. Also, because it is interesting that this is a holiday that appears to be celebrated on the wrong day. The reason that National Handwriting Day is January 23rd is because it is John Hancock’s Birthday! Happy Birthday! Or wait, there is a whole group of people that is sure his birthday is January 11th or possibly the 12th. Yay! Can we have three National Handwriting Days?

But, make sure you get whose birthday it is right. Because a statement that ‘you need to put your John Henry right here’ just doesn’t make as much sense, really. John Hancock was famous for his big signature on the Declaration of Independece, John Henry as a steel drivin’ man. So, unless you need some steel, make sure you get someone’s John Hancock.

A couple of things. Here are some attorneys who used several words they shouldn’t have. And, especially as lawyers, you would think that if they were going to use these kinds of words, they would have the sense to not do it in writing. But, sadly, sense often seems to be sorely lacking in all kinds of people.
Including one of the people who commented on the article, saying “Wonder if the client was build for those emails?” Wow, that is not even close to the right word. Well, it does sound like it…but nothing else. Maybe they build clients out of paper.
On a different note, make sure you read the email that definitely wins this year’s award for most gratuitous use of ‘ass clown.’ As a wordie (kind of like a foodie, only less calories), I don’t think I like any use of the words ass clown. I get asshat (if you have your head up there, it indeed does become a hat), but I see no cogent explanation for ass clown.
So, what have we learned? Don’t use the term ass clown – ever. Don’t insult attorneys where you leave a written (or otherwise recorded) record. And if you ever have an attorney, make sure you aren’t build by them. They aren’t contractors and really aren’t licensed for that.

From a friend of mine (thanks Summer!) – note to the woman in Starbucks this morning, no you cannot order “one of those new Artesian sandwiches?” Now, if you want the artisian sandwiches, I am sure they would be happy to help you. In the meantime, can I interest you in some Perrier?

I don’t think so. Much to my chagrin. Because if they did, wouldn’t they reconsider naming things like the Lexus IS 250? Because pretty much, when the ad says “Lexus IS 250 – $319 per month,” I am at least momentarily confused. Is it 250? It says it IS. Or is it 319? It helps when they have a voice over… “The Lexus eye ess 250.” But still. Couldn’t they name it the ZS or CS or any other S other than I?

Yes. Yes. Yes! Your/You’re. I love the video with Ross from “Friends” – “Y-o-u-’-r-e means you are. Y-o-u-r means your!” Well said. Truer words have hardly ever been spoken.